Latest Blogs

Losing Ryan
When I write about the loss of Ryan, I share stories for both myself and to offer a glimpse inside the life of the bereaved. I will never know Ryan beyond the age of 5, yet today I will honor his 34th birthday with acts of kindness. 
Grief does not magically disappear with the passage of time. The loss of our son carries a constant vacancy we are left to imagine. I was only twenty-eight...

Foreboding joy 
Ever since the death of my son, whenever I feel joy, it is quickly followed by fear. The unease spirals into worry that nudges my thoughts towards the darkness lurking around the corner. Years later I learned the term foreboding joy, described by Brene Brown, it is a dress rehearsal for tragedy; preparing for the worst even when things are at their best. And I know exactly when...

A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset 
A mindful list to stay present throughout the day: 
Take a breath - I always find that paying attention to my breathing helps with my awareness. It is such a simple thing. To step outdoors and take a deep breath, and notice the scents of the season. That is why breath work is so important in activities like yoga. It helps you get in tune with your...

 
Week 2:
What we pay attention to grows
Drenched in sorrow while the storms of grief tug at my heart. Even after twenty-five years, losing my five-year old son, Ryan, still pulls me under. Sometimes a moment of joy can trigger a tsunami of tears. Melancholy sneaks in, and I step outdoors to a place of quiet where the pungent musk of the earth encourages grace in this squall of sorrow. Grasping...

 
Search for a beautiful heart. Not necessarily a beautiful face. Beautiful people are not always good. But good people are always beautiful.
Uncovering grace
Week: 1
I have spent so much of my life striving for more, as if I was missing something. Making goals, setting intentions, building lists to be stronger, better, more of what, I did not know? And now, with another birthday to be grateful...

Journaling from grieving to grateful
The buzz of silence rang in my ears, and I smiled, humming the melody of “all that jazz” from the Chicago musical we had just finished watching. Chelsea plodded up to bed and my mother-in-law, Jane, drove home as I walked through the house tidying our mess. With the boys off camping, the three of us girls had enjoyed an evening together with dinner and a...

Discovering peace and purpose - the bravery of being
A quest for bravery
As months of quarantine restrictions diminish, I begin again on a quest for bravery. That leap of faith when you are unsure of the outcome but go for it anyway. Where possibility from small brave decisions can lead you in a new direction. They say fear filled choices always build our confidence, even if things do not go...

Carefree days
Aimlessly sifting through boxes of old photographs I paused to reflect on my life of today. Vaguely remembering the kids, we were, yet tender to the sweetness of our childhood I dust away the cobwebs to consider how time had cast aside flashes of these memories. Photos, I barely recognize slip past my fingers, until one captures my attention. 
This snapshot from the early 1970’s...

We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
~Romans 5:3-5
Week 12
Theme: Chapter 3 of 12 (Slow, create, mindful)
While savoring a peaceful moment I decided to enjoy...

"Spring sang softly as winter died, I'll bloom for you; while my heart still cries."
Week: 11
Theme: Week 3 of 12 (slow, create, mindful)
It has been over twenty years since my father passed away. Losing him still triggers the sting of grief and many unresolved feelings. His inability to quit smoking still makes me resentful. As I live beyond his age it leaves emotions too difficult to unravel...