Latest Blogs

It hurts because it matters ~ John Green
Daring me back
It has been over twenty years since the sudden death of my father. His death, the same day as my husband’s birth, can still trigger the sting of grief that leaves a wound of unresolved feelings. I resent that his weakness to smoking cigarettes reduced his life, yet is that what created my strength to quit? 
Bereavement curdles like a...

Christmas season growing up
As the Christmas season approaches, I always fall back into memories of the past. Often drowning myself in the negative thoughts of loss. Grief tugs at the future we lost, the things they will never see, the joy we can no longer share.
Memories swell as the room fills with the smooth sound of Johnny Mathis “it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,” a favorite...

Scattering Kindness in Memory of Ryan
"It's not what you gather, but instead what you scatter that tells what kind of life you lived"
Over the last couple years it has become more difficult to see the good. With so much negative information, so much divide, I barely turn on the news. Family and friends do not trust that there are many kind people left.  But still, I remain steady in my quest...

Journaling from grieving to grateful
The buzz of silence rang in my ears, and I smiled, humming the melody of “all that jazz” from the Chicago musical we had just finished watching. Chelsea plodded up to bed and my mother-in-law, Jane, drove home as I walked through the house tidying our mess. With the boys off camping, the three of us girls had enjoyed an evening together with dinner and a...

You were unsure which pain is worse –
The shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.
- Remembering Ryan 
Since losing Ryan twenty-seven years ago, I can still recall, in great detail, the many fragments of my journey through grief. I was understandably a mess. So much so that my father asked our family doctor to prescribe me something mild, a pill to take the edge off from the...

The sounds of life
It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward ~Patti Davis
The residue of disbelief still bubbles up when I drift to the last moments shared with my mother. Her death, another reminder of life’s brevity, provokes the lessons of grief. Memories become the guidepost of my life, and a balm to my sorrow. Creating space for contemplation...

Remembering Ryan with a rewrite of a story I wrote a few years ago 
12/7/87 - 2/23//93
Beautifully broken
Searching for validation, I set forth on a journey to fill the blank space that grief had cast upon me. The emptiness  engraved on my soul transferred to the pain unleashed from loss; death hijacked my heart and the fragments I battled to preserve were scattered debris encircling...

Mostly it is loss that teaches us about the worth of things
Good grief: Remembering my father (3/12/44 - 2/7/98)
Recently, I listened to a story about the last letter a woman received from her father before he died. My first thought was how lucky she was since there was no note when my father died. But then, she went on to explain the little he had written left her empty and wanting, like that...

Just let me feel bad about this
“It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.”~Patti Davis
It was a year ago today that my mom died. And shock still bubbles up when I think of her, along with all the other emotions like sadness, relief, curiosity, anger and envy. In order to understand this surge of emotions, I decided to unpack why I feel...

It is impossible for you to go on as you were before, so you must go on as you never have.
~Cheryl Strayed 
Grief...  (Guilt, Regret, Ignorance, Envy, Forgiveness)
Since the loss of my mother I have been taken by grief. Captured as if a monster once lurking, returned. Grief pulls me under angrily and I wonder if it had ever left my side. All this loss in one lifetime, how can grief depart? Life...