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The hardest part for me...
Once the dust of another morning routine has settled, and everyone has gone off in a different direction I find myself lost in thought, my attention spinning  from what I need to get done and then to Debbie and how her morning is going? Followed by the swelling of anger I feel for the injustice of what has happened to her and how brave she was before the surgery.
A constant...

There are days when things are moving forward and others where I feel I have lost direction...
Bellowing out songs from the seventies station brings about a grin, especially when Debbie serenades with her best "David Cassidy" moves, audaciously singing her rendition of "I think I love you," not missing a beat. Soon my smile fades and the conversation lingers back to the familiar confused chatter.
Last...

The sounds of annoyance escape her breath as she plunges into the couch...
Bitterly, she abandons her attempt to put on her sock and looks around frustrated. Resentful of her abilities, or the lack of, she struggles with what was once a simple task. Tenderly I take the sock from her hand and kneel down in front of her to help. "Thank you," she quips in an exhausted tone, and again my heart breaks...

what I've learned from Dementia...
When someone is mean, it is usually because they are hurting in some way. My mother has never been a mean person, in fact she never spoke up for herself, even when it would have been understandable.
Throughout life we meet people we think are friends, and find out, sometimes the hard way that they are not, discovering their toxic ways when they hurt more than help....

I never knew having a daughter could be so amazing...
We had always guessed Deb was supposed to have a daughter. She would love playing with a girls hair and trying different styles. 
25 years ago today we were all shocked when the doctor exclaimed "it's a girl" 
Born at exactly 7am in a birthing room at Southwest General Hospital just as the television blared "good morning america" and...

I did this through January and it felt so good...
February 01 - Today I am grateful for a good book, puppy training with Joel and time to unravel, my favorite chicken meatballs and fireplaces.February 02 - Today I am grateful for getting my hair done with Amanda, planning favors for Debs birthday, finishing another book, Zach ordering pizza! February 03 - Today I am grateful for my morning coffee,...

Have you heard of them? How do you live them?
I enjoy reading about meditation and mindfulness. In the book Living Beautifully: with uncertainty and change, are listed the eight worldly concerns, presented in four pairs of opposites. Our job in life is to learn to stay in the middle...
pleasure and paingain and lossfame and disgracepraise and blame
The greatest force being pleasure and pain. We...

His existence shaped our lives, his death transformed our hearts...
Ryan Kenneth Zarlenga
12/7/87 - 2/23/93
The sun had not yet risen when I awoke with a stir of fear, today our lives would change. Slowly we eased onto the roadway, waiting, although he was tempted to escape the red light that hindered our progress. The temperature was 37, and the rain speckled our windshield as the journey began....

We all forget to observe the world around us, I know even I get distracted...
Despite the cold, did you notice the beauty in the glistening diamonds when the sun dazzles the blankets of snow that mask the scenery. Or remember when traffic is plodding along, at least you can drive. As for that rude person you encounter, just imagine how unhappy they are each day and you will find pity, or sadness,...

there are days I need to stop myself from sinking...
I begin to disappear, immersing into the anguish that has transpired, like a tepid bath that keeps drawing one near. Bracing myself from the brevity of it all as I balance on this high wire. Trying to punctuate all I am capable of doing, help those around me, while still compelled to follow my dreams.
I have not died, I am still here...
A heavy...