The seasons of life: Week 9

Make sure your worst enemy doesn't live between your ears. ~Laird Hamilton 

Week 9: self love

Theme: Love

Kindness to thy self, what a curious thought

I decided to embark on a mindfulness adventure, to pay attention to the critical thoughts that bubble up in a day. Those little disappointments that are cataloged as negative when I feel like something needs improvement; whether it is my running, writing or weight loss goals, useless judgment often settles in. (I should have run faster, wrote more, ate less…) 

Without the presence of grace I wondered where these deceptive findings began, and decided to dig deeper? Compassion should always be a part of each day, especially in the midst of a pandemic, so why the mental beatings? 

When researching the root of self-kindness alongside self-esteem, I needed to understand what is a healthy sense of self?  Primarily it is a matter of knowing your worth in the world. According to Nathaniel Branden, these are the six cornerstones to self-esteem: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness, and integrity.

Self-esteem and identity are shaped throughout our life, from the feedback and comments around us. Those compliments, criticism and non-verbal messages we consciously and unconsciously absorb all play a role. 

Observing my own thought habits during setbacks made me question the judgment vs compassion that has always been my default. Does strong judgment push me harder or could a course in kindness serve me better?  

Even with the negative judgment focusing on actions and not myself, is it still negative? Some judgment may be unfiltered if I don’t run as quickly as the goals I set, or when the scale does not move when being persistent in my choices. 

Mostly, instead of compassionate, I am frustrated. I know the feeling of victory when I reach a goal, but I needed to change my outlook on the days when I don't. Understanding how difficult is a goal if I always reach it? Time to find grace in the days where something is off and recognize the growth that comes in the learning.

 Currently reading: The Prophet

Currently listening to: 

Did you know how the months got their names?

March – The name March comes from the Latin Martius or Martius menses, after the Roman god of war, Mars. In ancient Rome, this was also the month when armed conflicts would resume after the winter months.

Link to past seasons of life posts