The seasons of life: Week 8 - In the quiet

Some things in life cannot be fixed, they can only be carried. ~ Megan Devine 

Week 8: Remembering Ryan

Theme: Love

 In the quiet

It is always difficult to wrap my head around the anniversary of Ryan’s death. It is not a day you celebrate, but instead one that magnifies the passing of time without him. Twenty-eight years have drifted by like a haze, especially when compared to the 5 years we had Ryan in our lives. The dates on the calendar identify the chasm of time, that crater of space where surviving brings another responsibility to fill the void.

Even today, after all these years, grief still exists. It is something I will forever carry, arriving in its own fits and swells. Grieving what we will never have, and always wondering how different our lives could be. Would Ryan be married, have children? An endless list of questions arrives in the echoes of emptiness. 

Time does soften the edges, as it does with any wound. The impact remains, as I turn back to the past, unable to recognize what once was familiar. The simple things that provide hope for the future. Blinded by grief’s wrath, I have learned to navigate again. Slowly, as I lean into compassion, I seek a respite and consume stories of grief, a search to understand these emotions. 

It took years until gratitude appeared as I navigated the uncertainty of reactions from denial to grace. Discovering I had the ability to purpose my pain, and in turn, grow through its promise. Noticing the blessing of his brief life, and remembering him with acts of kindness. 

Currently reading: The Prophet

Currently listening to: The mystery of Mrs. Christie

Did you know how the months got their names?

February – Comes from the word februum (purification) and februa, the rites or instruments used for purification. These formed part of preparations for the coming of Spring in the northern hemisphere.

Link to past seasons of life posts