It's not the same...

People see Deb and comment on how well she is doing...

Although she is doing better, the progress is intensely stagnant. Having a couple promising days with with Deb will manifest hope, then the bad days return to dampen your spirits. 

For myself the days always begin with excitement and wonder. Excited to see her, yet wonder what our day will turn into. Our relationship obviously is not the same, since Debbie is not the same. Sure we laugh and share many common interests, but the downside is heartbreaking. The heartbreak of knowing she probably will not remember our days together, as she begins questioning things with the frustration abiding.

Her attention fluctuates from present day to our childhood, sometimes connecting the two in the same. Refering her thoughts as dreams, "she must of dreamed she just saw dad because he died". "yes, I say, and you were there" although she starts to doubt her presence at many life events. 

Constantly I try to remind her, hoping this time an ember of light still flickers, but the never ending loop of questions leads back to the same ones, and we begin again.

What things do I need to learn to help her progress?

We have days that "feel" like she is better to only have her not remember the moment the very next day. Even after the cookie exchange she asked me about the cookie exchange. I told her it was yesterday, and she replies, " great, only four people came." And again I give her details of the event, but its as if it never happened, the slate wiped clean with no remnants.

Patience was never Debs strong suit, and now patience is almost non existant. But only with herself, never anybody else. She gets frustrated with her lack of ability, if things don't go smoothly, instead of finding a solution like she would in the past, she usually gives up.

I search for projects for us to do together, to stimulate her thought and creativeness. Most times I end up finishing the project for her or it never takes off. Other times she finds crafts and makes them over and over, a matter of searching for the right balance of a creative challenge, yet not too over stimulating.

Her thoughts frequent our childhood, believing we still live with our parents, yet knows her current address and how to get to their house wherever we are coming from. The habits never left, but the memories are hard to wrangle? 

Begin this new year with a positive attitude and realize many problems are just inconveniences and not really problems as we begin again, another day, week, month of facing this struggle, learning and praying for improvement.