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Remembering Ryan
12/07/87 ~ 2/23/93
 
Beautifully broken
Searching for validation, she set forth on a journey to fill the blank spaces cast upon her, emptiness engraved on her soul carrying the pain unleashed from loss; death stole another slice of her heart and soon the fragments she battled to preserve are scattered debris encircling her.
Seeking a powerful concoction to mend the heartbreak...

"The trouble is, you think you have time"   ~Buddha
I have to dig deep when attempting to find photos of my father. Eighteen years is a long time to be without the person who was guiding you in life. I never thought I could survive a day without you and here I am, often looking up to ask you a question in search of guidance. 
It comes to my heart gently, quietly, a soft flicker of sarcasm as...

 
When we chose to name him Ryan, it was a name I had loved beyond the course of my pregnancy. Writing it constantly on a paper practicing each stroke.
Ryan was a sweet and quiet little man. Please and thank you was a part of every sentence he spoke. He was my partner in all things reading, play-doh and Nintendo. Loved the movies Aladdin, Jungle Book and Fern Gully. His favorite book was “If you...

There are times when I am overwhelmed with grief, with the loss that has occurred in my life, leaving a scar that will never heal…
On September 17, 2003 my brother Joe died in surgery when they were trying to repair an aneurysm in the back of his brain. And even though twelve years have gone by, I can still remember it like yesterday.
The house was quiet with Joel and Zach off camping and Chelsea...

It was one year ago today that the world lost the one person that could teach us all a thing or two...
Jane felt immortal to me, like she would live forever. She did not want to be mourned, she wanted to be celebrated and she gave us plenty of memories to celebrate.
She lived life with no expectations and everything was a blessingHer laugh alone could make you laughShe gave of herself generouslyShe...

His existence shaped our lives, his death transformed our hearts...
Ryan Kenneth Zarlenga
12/7/87 - 2/23/93
The sun had not yet risen when I awoke with a stir of fear, today our lives would change. Slowly we eased onto the roadway, waiting, although he was tempted to escape the red light that hindered our progress. The temperature was 37, and the rain speckled our windshield as the journey began....

Maybe the date has nothing to do with things....
Or maybe it does? My father died 17 years ago on my husband and his brothers birthdays, he would have been 71 in March. I often wondered of all the dates in a year, why that date. Was it because he knew my husband would step in where he left off?
To say my father was strict when I grew up would speak mildly of those teen years. I tested all the boundaries,...