Having a tough time...

 Often I have talked about the losses in my life but since I started my blog it has always about the grieving, dealing with the loss or finding ways to heal and give back.  Mostly I'm rambling here because I need to sort things in my mind to be able to deal with and help in any way I can.

Just days ago I received a phone call, one that changed me.  It was my cousin who shared with me the news of my aunt.  Her cancer has returned and they are giving her 2 weeks.The shock alone numbs me... we just saw her, we just celebrated with her her 60th birthday... SIXTY!  

She is my dad's younger sister, who was only 15 when I was born, so growing up she was the "cool" aunt that we could always talk to.  My sister idolized her and her Volkswagon bug (yeah she had one back then) and the gas pedal that was in the shape of a foot!  We got to read her Tiger Beat magazines and hang out in her bedroom whenever we went to visit grandma.

Her daughter (my cousin), so close in the age of my own daughter.  Became even closer with Chelsea when for Chelsea's 18th birthday she went to her for personal training (something I would recommend to any teen girl - it changed the course of Chelsea's life and taught her how to eat right and take care of her body!) 

And so today they are moving my aunt to a hospice home and my thoughts and emotions are everywhere.  I don't know what to think, its all happening so quickly!  What should I take when visiting, what should we talk about?  She doesn't want this to be a sad time, but that's a tough response not to have.  We were thinking of putting a journal together that we can each add our memories to and other's can when they come to visit and share with her the way she's touched all of our lives.

My cousin is an only child, she is looking for help and guidance through all of this, has so much anger and sadness as she is forecasting things before they even happen.