Instructions for life: Week 2

Week 2:

What we pay attention to grows

Drenched in sorrow while the storms of grief tug at my heart. Even after twenty-five years, losing my five-year old son, Ryan, still pulls me under. Sometimes a moment of joy can trigger a tsunami of tears. Melancholy sneaks in, and I step outdoors to a place of quiet where the pungent musk of the earth encourages grace in this squall of sorrow. Grasping for what was, I pick at the fractured pieces of my heart. 

Eager to step away from the meaningless repetition where distraction lingers as the latest influencer promotes a life of ease. Drained from the rush of the world around me, another day slips by. Resentment grows with an endless list of tasks to complete, diets and scales, long lines, and short tempers. Questioning the pace of the earth, where information and invention are moving faster than our understanding of their side effects. 

In this shadow of uncertainty, I choose to reach in a new direction. Charmed by the shift that comes with self-care, and strengthened by the practice that is yoga, I move towards the possibility in mindfulness. Slowing down to get curious, questioning who I am, and the stories that brought me this far. Designing my day with purpose and reflection while rejecting the senseless distractions. 

Preparing my schedule, I decide how my day will flow with both thought and action that keeps me present. Making time outdoors a priority and savoring meals helps me understand what I need. Maybe it’s to journal, maybe read a book, or maybe the fresh air on a walk will lift me up. Just as a scent can rekindle memories, being present unravels the seams that draw me closer to understanding my past and the why of my emotions. 

Each memory restores my spirit, and with enough practice I can identify grace hidden in the details. Gathering motivation, I amble across the dirt covered trails, leaning in to what comes next. Listening for the chatty sparrow’s symphony of song, as the sweet smell of summer lifts my mood.