Living with Meaning, Truth, And Kindness

“Fear is a mood to be moved through, not a voice to be obeyed.”  ~Mark Nepo

We are linked in our humanity the way the earth holds a tree, so that tree can hold a nest, so that nest can hold a bird, so that bird can drop a seed that will in time give birth to the next tree.

• Week 1: Living with Meaning, Truth, And Kindness
• The Book of the soul - 52 paths to living what matters by Mark Nepo

Why is it when things happen, I move to the worst possible outcome. I run towards fear, sometimes I think it is all I know. I believe a part of it comes from losing Ryan. How silly I was to run back to the house for his jacket as the ambulance was pulling away… Over thirty years later and that jacket still hangs in our closet. Neither of us remembering how it got there.

Memories of our last days with Ryan trickle in like random snapshots. The slow drive home through a February blizzard, seated in the back seat of my parent’s car. The windshield wipers covered in ice, a scraping that masked the sniffles. The loss for words, since none would make sense. We don’t even remember how our car got home.

I know how blessed we were to have had him in our lives; touched by the love that appears when a child is born. I fight to find the good, and I know that it is there, it's just, sometimes there is so much devastation blocking my view. Eventually though, I did begin to live again; often struggling to mend the shattered parts that once made me whole.